


Enjoy Talking

by Shift7



Series: Ineffable Bureaucracy [10]
Category: Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: Good Omens - Prompt, Good Omens - Request, Ineffable Bureaucracy (Good Omens), Multi, Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-05
Updated: 2019-09-05
Packaged: 2020-10-10 17:53:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,190
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20532137
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Shift7/pseuds/Shift7
Summary: “I think we should exchange phone numbers.”“No,” Beelzebub responded reflexively, finding it was better to shoot down whatever Gabriel's suggestions were preemptively to avoid encouraging him. They paused for a moment, thinking it over before adding, “Why?”





	Enjoy Talking

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Avy3686](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Avy3686/gifts).

> Avy3686 requested Gabriel attempting to get Beelzebub’s phone number. Apologies that this took like a solid month and a half to get around too.

“I think we should exchange phone numbers.”

“No,” Beelzebub responded reflexively, finding it was better to shoot down whatever Gabriel's suggestions were preemptively to avoid encouraging him. They paused for a moment, thinking it over before adding, “Why?”

“Because relationships develop with increased communication. It’s a logical progression from the state we're at.” he motioned between the two of them, “And we enjoy talking.”

_ "You _ enjoy talking.” they corrected, “I’m stuck listening to whatever garbage you happen to spew. Thatzz different.” 

“All the more reason we should increase the amount of time we talk. Also, it was my understanding you liked garbage.” he thought for a moment, “What is your favorite kind of garbage?”

“No, too personal. Don’t ask me personal questionzz while we’re working.”

“Is it? Well, alright,” he pushed, grinning at them, “Let me call you later when we're done working, so I can ask you personal questions then.”

"No," they repeated, "And I'm alwayzz working."

\--

“What if I gave you _ my number_.” Gabriel suggested out of the blue. “Then you could call me.”

“I already have it.” Beelzebub said simply, unperturbed, closing up the reviews the two of them had been working on.

“What? How??”

“We had it on file. You called some Earth clothing makerzz with your personal line a few decadezz ago. Our recon snagged it from there.” they smirked, “Idiotic of you, truly."

He looked entirely unperturbed by their insult, “You’ve read Hell's files on me?”

"I--" Beelzebub’s usually snappy response caught in their throat. They would never, _ ever _admit to him that they had Dagon relocate the entirety of the files Hell had on him into their office after their little tête-à-tête had started. They would also never admit they had reviewed them in entirety on more than one occasion.

“So then it’s only fair.” Gabriel continued, hopeful, not waiting for a response to his previous question. “Call me sometime.”

“N-No.” they huffed, finding their voice again, “I think would rather willingly discorporate myself first.”

\--

“I just don’t understand _ why _,” Gabriel lamented, leaning back against the bench they were sitting on, “I do not like not understanding things.”

Gabriel had brought up the matter of Beelzebub's phone number at least once during their last 10 encounters. It seemed to be his new favorite fixation and thing to whine about.

"Sayzz the most idiotic Angel I know. I couldn’t imagine dealing with _ thizz, _” they gestured to him in entirety, “All the time. I need to be able to keep some of my sanity.”

“It wouldn’t be all the time, I have my own schedule to keep too.” He pushed, “It would just be occasionally, when I want to talk to you. In between projects, during downtime. Reasonable times to call.”

Beelzebub’s face scrunched up in a very skeptical look.

“You wouldn’t _ have _ to answer when I call if _ you’re _busy, I guess.” he continued, “I mean, I’d prefer if you did when you could, but I could always leave you a voicemail…”

"You are zo persistent." They sighed, letting their shoulders fall.

“And you find it endearing?” he suggested, hopefully, leaning in towards them. 

“You wizzzh,” They shoved him back with one hand, “The answer izz still no.”

\--

"Give him your number." Came the voice from the phone Beelzebub had just picked up.

"Michael." 

"Beelzebub." 

There was a tense pause.

“Please,” Michael said in a tone that didn’t convey it was a request at all.

“Why doesn't he just get it from you if he wantzz it zooo badly.” They deadpanned, already annoyed with this call, “He knowzz you have my direct line."

“He doesn't work like that and you know it. That would be too underhanded.” She sighed, “He doesn't just _ want _ your number, he wants _ your permission _ to have it."

“Urg." They made a face at the thought of that sentimentality.

“I know.”

Another pause.

“Angelzz are all zo insufferable.”

“Generalizing is rude. Regardless,” she said tersely, “I've exhausted my patience listening to him mope about this. Call him."

“Maybe thatzz all the _ more _reason to refuzze.” Any excuse to ruffle Michael’s feathers couldn’t be overlooked. Gabriel was bothersome, sure, but Michael was aggravating to them on a whole other level.

“Don’t forget who lead the forces that defeated your army in the past. We may be in a ceasefire at the moment, but I still have certain _ leverages _.” 

Beelzebub bristled, “Izz that a threat?”  
  
“Call it an ultimatum. Because you're just as insufferable as he is.” Michael said coolly, “And I _ know _ you enjoy talking to him, too.”

The line went dead.

\--

Gabriel’s personal phone rang. The caller ID showed an unfamiliar set of numbers and runes. He raised an eyebrow and hit accept, he hadn't received and unknown call in eons. 

“You get 3 phone callzz a month. Thatzz the rule. Attempt to call me a 4th time and I’m blocking you indefinitely.” came a voice.

“Beelz!”

“_No _ nicknamezzzzz,” they buzzed before adding a little awkwardly, “Hello.”

“Hello!” He radiated such enthusiasm through the line that it made their stomach churn. “So how did the discorporation go?”

“Are you joking?” they said flatly.  
  
“I’m not, I'm genuinely curious," he responded cheerily but not without a small hint of underlying sarcasm. “Please tell me about it. Was is a terribly tedious amount of paperwork? I know that's your favorite.”

“You know what, I’m counting thizz call azz your first one. You have two left.” 

“Wait now, that’s unfair. You’re the one that called _ me_.” He pointed out, tone shifting, “I feel like your instigation really shouldn’t count against my 3 call total, especially since you imposed the initial limit.”

Beelzebub wrinkled their nose. They could feel him wearing that stupid smug grin he got when he knew he was technically right in a way they’d have to concede too, “...Fine.” 

“Do I get to set a call number as well?”

“Would...” They were a little thrown off at that, not having considered that being a possibility, “Would you want too?”

“Oh, of course not, but I wanted to make sure we were on an even footing and thorough understanding, you know, as always. I am very kind, so please be assured you can call me any time you’d like!” 

Beelzebub honestly considered hanging up on him right then and there but Gabriel quickly changed the subject, “How’s work been?”

“Especially awful because of a call I am already regretting making,” They paused for a moment waiting for him to interrupt and go off like he always did, but he remained silent on the other end of the line. A few long seconds passed before they realized he was waiting for the rest of their answer. They felt uncharacteristically put on the spot as they fumbled out the rest of a response, “B-But awful izz fairly normal, for Hell, I guezz. I-Itzz generally awful most of the time. Nothing izz literally on fire today, so...”

“I think I’ll have to work on making these calls a little less than especially awful for you then, to balance it out.” 

They scoffed but felt a soft buzzing rise in their chest nonetheless, “Good luck.”

**Author's Note:**

> I saw someone post in either a fic or a text post somewhere about how their ship name should have been Insufferable Bureaucracy and I haven’t stopped thinking about that.


End file.
